Training Ride 101 – Tuesday / Thursday Tallest Leprechaun Championships Report

This posting courtesy of Dr. Pain, reporting in JOM’s absence.
Tuesday 12/2/2014 and Thursday 12/4/2014.

Tuesday Stage:

Thirteen Leprechauns showed up to contest the TLCR tonight.  One Aussie Leprechaun showed up in his car to complete some nefarious financial transaction, but he did not bring his bike.  Instead he had some lame excuse about being sick.  <– This is legit (JOM).

In addition to the usual suspects, we were joined by to Ocala riders (Roger, and Steve), Ryan Saylor, and the first appearance of the year by Fake-Todd who had apparently sold enough Holly trees to escape his business long enough to ride.  We also had two late arrivals, Joe on 28mm tires and Arthur on suitably tired single speed.  Some wondered how they would fare should we encounter sugar sand or high speeds… not at all rare occurrences.

Limerock Night
The sort of stuff that happens at night time.

Sector 1:  Things started off fast with Nature Boy, and Ocala-Roger, among others prominent at the front and stringing the bunch out.  Dr. Pain had a bird’s eye view at the back of the group while he took stock of the newcomers, and “under-equipped”.  In addition to tribal knowledge, he finds it very important to size up the competition.  Sector 1 ended without incident.  Following the regrouping at the end of the sector, Dr. Pain felt obliged to go to the front to enjoy the tailwind along the paved section before sector 2.  This was accomplished at 26 mph much to the delight of the rest of the group.  He always tries to please.

Sector 2:  The fireworks continued on Sector 2, especially since we rolled off the pavement onto limerock at full speed.  A number of surges occurred at the front (no one stood up, so it wasn’t an attack, right?) including Nature Boy, Roger, K-Dogg, and perhaps some others who I may have left out because of hypoxia.  Near the end of the sector Dr. Pain was setting a gentlemanly tempo, when the Fraulein came by at Mach 1, and caused a disintegration of the group.  Six riders rolled to the end of the limerock and waited for the less fortunate Leprechauns to regroup.  It was at this point that we later learned Joe and Arthur (the 28mm tired and single speed equipped riders) went home.  No idea why.

Sector 3:  As usual, this was one of the most hotly “contested” sectors.  A series of vicious accelerations by Nature Boy Roger, K-Dogg, and Dr. Pain resulted in the usual complete chaos.  Dr. Pain, anticipating deep sand, went to the front seeking to use the advantage of fat tires.  There was no sand, so he succeeded in blowing himself up instead.  K-Dogg countered on the last “hill” and took a couple of riders with him, to reign victorious on the KOM (King of the Mountain).  He’s not well liked, but we feel compelled to report his results anyway.

Sector 4 and 5:  The story continued much the same for sector 4, until Fake-Todd and another rider turned left, while leading, when they should have turned right.  The rest of the group waited for them, with the exception of the Fraulein who launched solo off the front.  Cheeky.  As we approached the landing strip section, she was reeled in.  Thinking she needed to be punished, Dr. Pain “surged” at the front.  To his surprise, the next rider through was the Fraulein herself.  Impressive.  Roger “surged” through next, and that was the end of the Fraulein.  In fact, it was the end of everyone but Dr. Pain, who managed to claw his way back to Roger.  Those two rode victoriously to end of the sector, and did not contest a sprint to nowhere.

Sector 6 and 7:  The group became a group again, except for Dr. Jacobs who for some reason felt he needed to ride off the front on the pavement, though he had not been seen prior to that for the entire ride.  Another transgression that needed to be rectified.  Once all were in tow, Dr. Pain decided to bring him back.  A series of surges… maybe even attacks ensued on this sector, and there was much carnage.  Hypoxia again prevents an adequate telling of what occurred here, though one thing clearly remembered was a series of invectives shouted at the good Dr. Pain by Nature Boy, when Dr. Pain politely asked him to close a gap.  Kids these days.  Perhaps the most humorous statement was made by the Fraulein who seemed surprised to realize there was one more sector as we crossed the tracks for the final push.  It was more the tone of voice than the actual words “You mean there is more?”  One wonders if she meant more limerock, more abuse, more suffering.  It was not a happy sound, that was certain.

The last sector of limerock was a furiously paced leadout to the sprint sign for the Heartbreaker.  Roger, fortunately lacking any tribal knowledge set a very solid pace at the front.  Nature Boy launched an exquisitely timed sprint, that Dr. Pain could not match.  Nature Boy got the honors.

The roll in on the pavement was a solid tempo, but conversation was possible.  For several miles, Nature Boy could be heard disparaging the inevitable attack to come from K-Dogg for the sprint to nowhere near Hague.  After Matt and Dr. Pain had sat on the front for the last forever miles, sure enough K-Dogg launched.  This was not to be allowed.  Dr. Pain did his best impression of Mark Cavendish (hard to imagine) and bridged across asking in his most genial tone “Where do you think you are going old man?”  All he got was a grunt in reply.  After sitting on the Dogg’s wheel for a bit, the rest of the group re-attached.  Nature Boy could be heard plotting some sort of tactic with the Fraulein, so rather than let that happen without complication, Dr. Pain launched a vicious attack (he even stood up) to win the final sprint to nowhere, demonstrating, for once the appropriately timed bottle rocket attack against an unsuspecting, and uncaring set of competitors.  He is nonetheless pleased to acquire any small victory.

  

Thursday Stage:

Five sturdy Leprechaun’s showed up for a tempo ride.  Not a lot to report since it was actually a tempo ride!  Shocking.  The tempo was set by Pfaff Junior, for almost the entire circuit.  K-Dogg whinged a bit about being tired from Tuesday, and drifted off the back after muttering some unpleasantries.  The group waited for him.  There were no sprints, no shenanigans, so no points award toward the Leprechaun championships, though clearly Pfaff Junior needs to get a lot more tired before he shows up for these rides.

5 comments on “Training Ride 101 – Tuesday / Thursday Tallest Leprechaun Championships Report

  1. Nice reporting if not quite accurate. Mark Cavendish? Pul-eeze! Also, you don’t have to like me to respect me.
    Bwa ha ha!

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